this is so him.

If our love was a story book.

We would meet on the very first page.

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I think I'm super odd one out in these pictures. Aw well.

Whats the purpose in life? One day, we're all just gonna end up as a sack of chemicals stuck inside a box which they call coffin. Then we're just gonna end up as a product of fire. Don't know why we have to study like shit. Earn money. Live life. Then die. Its damn waste time.

I screwed up Vectors test. I screwed up Chem test. I screwed up physics test. I should just shoot myself dead.

Lack of posts.

I was batgirl for a day.

Heh. Sorry. I went MIA for 1 day again. Cause ytd, I rushed home to shower and change. Then I realized I forgot to bring my house keys. So I told my mum. My mum is freaking cool ttm alright! She told her colleague to drive to my house and pass her keys to me. Awesome mum! ♥ When I called to ask her who's gonna pass me the keys. She say "oh my colleague ah! He very handsome one! Very tall!@!@" Hahahha. Funny ttm. Like bribing him to pass to me. Cause this colleague actually very evil one. But dk why he that day good mood. Hehhhh. My mother's so cute.

After that I rushed to meet cecilia. Played a bit of pool then headed back to school to meet the juniors to have dinner. Mcspicy meal. Omg. I'm gonna get stomach ache again! D: Love the new shaker fries. Wayyyy better than the previous ones.

I went home around 3am like that and I immediately changed and went to sleep. Hahahhaa.

I woke up around 5plus today. Super love the extra sleep! (:

My mother was playing Bejeweled when I woke up. Super cute okay!

Never knew how impt trust is.

I love you. <3

and so, I'm back after MIA for 1 day. Cousin shifted over to my house. She's using my computer table to study, so just let her lo. Since its an important examination and stuff. Aw well. Gonna stay up late tonight. Studying and probably msning? Hmmm. Today had 2 damn difficult tests. Macromolecule+Organic chem and Emaths vectors. I'll fail damn badly. Zzzz. Studied damn long for these 2 tests ytd, still CMI one. :( aw well.

Hmm. Lets see. Mr aw did the goal settings with each student individually. And I told him I aim Amaths all A1. Then he jitao look down on me say. The computer generator say you're only capable of aiming till C6. Wl. I told him I just started Amaths tuition and its bloody million times more effective than our fail Amaths teacher luh. Zzzz.

Physics tuition sucks.

The girl who sits in front of me is so irritating I swear.

can't update today.

Tell me why?

this has the power to make tears roll down my cheeks.

Memories are supposed to fade, whats wrong with my heart?

Don't take for granted what you have.

Don't hold on to something that's long gone.

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I'm sorry k. Less than three. ♥

There was some Emaths vectors test today after phys remedial, but I skipped it uh. I told teacher say I had tuition at 6pm. He refused to let me off cause he say still got a lot of time. Hahaha. I bullshit say my mother want me go home. He don't believe me, so I just walked out of the class. Wahlao. Rudeness +1. Felt like I've been escorted around by taxi all over singapore. Aw well.

Taxi down to jurong for Amaths tuition. Wanting piss me off only, keep asking where am I. -.- slap her. Then never wait for me to go tuition. TT. She jitao go up without me. Aw well. We did differentiation today. Hahahha. Not bad ah. From my zero knowledge of differentiation suddenly become 40% knowledge of it. Hahaha. At first I thought I know how to do rate of change is very good alr, so I graded myself 80%. But wanting cb sia. She say still got a lot more to learn about differentiation. Wl. So much for my moment of accomplishment. Aw well.

1stly, blame Mr Chan for his snail pace teaching. 2ndly, blame Mr Chan for his no good teaching. 3rdly, blame Mr Chan because we've given up on him alr. We haven't given up on ourselves. We gave up on him, thats why I don't do his work. Its isn't effective at all. Tuition is way more effective. Just 90minutes and I learnt so much!

Ah fuck. I'm sorry, <3.

(btw, the timing of this post has been changed cause I'm like posting this after midnight uh.)

What about now? What about today?

I have a cb princess attitude, get over it and stop complaining about it uh. And to you, Teo Wei Song. Last time I'm gonna mention you on my blog, don't even know if you read, but I miss you shitless bestfriend! ♥


Mad thoughts running through my mind about that 1 person.

1. Why'd you text me?
2. Why'd you text me?
3. Why'd you text me?
4. Why'd you have to text me?

Ughhh, I know its the same thing uh. Just trying to emphasize how much his 1 text affected me. He's just hot and cold. Once I'm on the verge of leaving, something he does pulls me right back into the same situation. And that just sucks. Its like, I'm alr so close. I don't wanna continue this way. I don't wanna be like this. I wish I was strong enough to just walk away. Aw well.

(I really ran out of pictures to use.)

Maths. Ss. English. Recess. Maths. Chinese. Recess. Chem. Phys remedial.

Sleptttt throughout the free periods of Chinese. Was supposed to do self study but I was dead tired and I just knocked out on the table. When I woke up and got back to class after the lesson, I still felt like I was sleeping. Like some walking zombie. If I could, I would have surely walked back to class with my eyes closed. Thats how tired I was today. I don't know why, these few days I can't seem to get myself to go to sleep at night.

If you were to just disappear and never appear in front of me again, I probably can erase you. But with you walking past me all the time, with you smiling to me, with all my friends talking about you, how can I ever keep you off my mind? I always, over and over again, forget to forget you. I still absentmindedly think of you and absentmindedly wish you were here. I'd tell myself I won't text you, but I still do.

I ate 2 plate of food during recess cause daren long was hungry so I accompanied him to have a second bowl of rice. Whew. I still can feel the food inside my tummy. Gonna grow fat soon!

I WANT TO GO TO A DESERTED PLACE AND SCREAM OUT ALL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF ME. I WANT TO GO TO A DESERTED PLACE AND SCREAM OUT ALL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF ME. I WANT TO GO TO A DESERTED PLACE AND SCREAM OUT ALL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF ME. I WANT TO GO TO A DESERTED PLACE AND SCREAM OUT ALL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF ME. 

speaking of screaming, jh kept appearing over corners and bends to scare me. And, my natural reaction was to scream uh. We were at the stairs beside 4e4 and he scared me, so I screamed. Gopal happened to be inside the class. Well, you should  know what happened after that. :/

MY FATHER COMES BACK FROM A BAD DAY AT WORK AND VENTS HIS ANGER.

Now you know where I learnt violence and rudeness from.

there's always a tml, but, I wish time could just stop for us for once. please? ♥

EVERYONE WANTS TO FEEL LIKE SOMEONE CARES.♥

I don't wanna lose other people who're just as important.

You're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.

For the first time since idk when, he walked past my class to get to his maths class. I know he never walk by that direction. He never walks past my class one. So why the hell did he have to walk past my class? Why did he have to look in. Why did he have to look at me? And, after chinese lesson, when he walked past me, everything came rushing back. All the emotions that I tried like hell to bury inside suddenly came out. And when a friend asked me about him, I pretended I didn't care. I'm really sick and tired of hiding all these emotions. I wanna just go up to him and hug him really really really tight, until he pushes me away.

再次拥抱, 一分一秒都好.

Everything I do, where ever I go, I see him. And, I have to force that smile, that laugh. I pretend not to care that he's right there. Pretend that whats over is over, and that it doesn't matter to me. And its so tiring to fake everything.

Never seen somebody so thick skinned.

What am I to you?

I don't know why my parents like to buy this weirdly shaped yakult.

all he had to do was to walk past me,

and everything comes back.

Ripped jeans, unwanted dreams, taken hearts.

So I met up with a friend at the mrt station and we headed to bishan to check out the movie timings for inception. Alright, live sucks okay. The next movie was at 6.40pm and the only seats left were at the front row. I bought the tickets 1st cause he was searching for an atm machine. When he came up, we both decided front row sucks, so we got a refund for our tickets. I really didn't know we could do that! Hahahaha. He headed home cause of some complications.

I went to get the sticky alone then I went shopping alone. Actually, shopping alone is a good thing. No one there to say influence what we buy. Its like, if you like it, just buy it. Too bad I haven't got enough money. I envy those people who can just happily swipe their credit cards and fill their shopping bags up with endless stuff.

OKAY SHIT, HE JUST WENT OFFLINE. COME BACK ONLINE. PLEASE^infinity.

I guess second best is all I will know.

I can't believe a family of 3 can fight over stupid stuff like the tv, computer and laptop. Seriously irritate me only. I rushed back home so that I could talk to him. Cause I know after awhile he'll go sleep alr. I called him. He dota. And he said he'll call me back. But he didn't. He forever expects me to tell him stuff. He can't ownself ask me. He said what, he scared I'm in the cinema, watching movie or what. Thats just an excuse. Then you ask me, why I never text you. Hello? Why should I text you when you didn't bother calling back. Oh wait! I can use this excuse : because you were playing dota and I don't wanna disturb you. OH! And another excuse : because you don't reply my messages half of the time. And my family. Ugh. Mother watch tv and use laptop at the same time. Like shuang only lo. Then I switched on my computer and went to pack my room awhile, I came back, and my dad switched my computer screen to his dvd player thing. At there shake leg, watch tv. Piss me off only. You know very very well that I come home only want to do one thing. T A L K T O H I M. But you guys always make me do the complete opposite. K fine. He's probably gonna go to sleep soon anyway. Fuck it. He probably can't be bothered that I took so long to come back.

I'm already damn late.

I LOVE YOU. LIKE A LOT.

wahlao, stupid [insert secret person's name]. change of plans again. Going clarke quay with [insert secret person's name] at 5plus to get jh's sweets. Then gonna go watch movie with [insert secret person's name] on wednesday. Okay, the insert secret person's name shit is annoying me alr.

nothing is for forever.

no one was meant to stay. life is your own fight. its our own fight. my own fight.

You're hot then you're cold.

Going clarke quay tml. With [insert secret person's name] probably. Gonna catch a movie and buy the stuff for jh. I don't feel so good now. Just had my lunch and I feel like vomiting + damn giddy + stomach cramps. Zzzzz. Must be the hot then cold weather. I need to bring my camera out and take more photos. Blog is so dead without pictures. Like damn empty. And I'm growing sick of this white background. It feels so against my mood. Like, wow, my blog skin looks so cheerful but inside, I'm damn ugh. Get it?

He's playing dota now and I have nothing to do. You mess me up.

call you now?

was lazy to go out. stayed home instead. cmon, i know you have smt to clarify with me, lt3. faster luh. donwan alr ah? last night refuse to let me sleep cause of some clarification thing. then now i bright awake, you dw clarify. dumb, seriously.

I think the camera effects are super cool.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME. YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.

Bitch :@

stupid blogshop owner.

I can believe another week just flew past like this. Aww well. Didn't accomplish much in this week. Did make a fully organised time table for revision which I swore to follow, but ended up going out and not following. And. Got A1 for both Chem and Emaths test. Kay, sorry. Show off a bit. Hahahha. But then, daren gave me a few of the chem answers. Lolol.

Gna go meet selvi, J and Tingli late afternoon.

ugh, whatever, I don't believe you la. -'-

I have a fear of people leaving. I realized. I don't want you to leave. I wanna leave first.

Once a lover, twice a fucker.

everyone leaves. eventually, everyone will leave. never trust his words. no matter how sweet he is from the start, everything will change in time, soon to come. no matter how much he said he loved you. no matter whatever he did to you. no matter how he made you feel so content and satisfied. no matter what. one day, he'll leave as well.

Butterfly fly away.

You say you love me, everything proves against it. My mood is damn fucked up now. Idk how else to describe this feeling either that saying that it starts with a S. Ends with a D. And has a A in the middle. Get it? Treats me like.... a game. You don't love me. I can tell. Even if we do get together or what, we'll never make it. Everything don't feel right. We mess each other up all the time. We'll not make it through.

oh yeah, one last thing before I go off. happy bday amos.

I'm late alr. zzzz. have to somehow fly to batok nowwwwwww!

gna go meet cecilia NOW. proper post once I'm home around 12 plus. expect pictures. (:

This is really a "fuck my life".

SR. Chinese. Maths. Recess. Phys. History.

Today I was late for school because I couldn't get a taxi, so I had to take the bus to the mrt station, which takes damn long. Then I had to train down to batok. I missed my train and had to wait 4 fucking minutes for the next one. Okay, so nvm. I waited. Then, when I reached batok, I wanted to get off the train but there were too many people squished together so I couldn't alight. Seriously fucked up. Then like that, nevermind. U turn back to batok, I alr late for school. When Alex Chia asked for my ezlink, I told him I lost it. And he fucking hell ask me to give my handphone. Helllllll. Switched off and gave him. Borrowed friend's phone to text. Okay, like that still not so bad. I did dc and got it back. Planned to go home shower, change and meet cecilia for pool or smt. But guess what. After showering, I switched on the laptop. Then I put my green tea bottle at the sofa, without closing. And I fucking spilled like 20% of it. So I had to take the seat and wash it. And, cause its those cushion type, I need to use hairdryer to dry it, if not it will get smelly. Ughhh. I'm typing with one hand. My other hand is drying the seat. -'-

I want you to bring me somewhere better. Make me happier.

Chinese. Phys. Chem. Recess. Maths. Recess. History. English Remedial.

Life's a bore. I miss when I used to have a roller coaster life. Now everything feels so monotone and silent. I miss when I used to go out everyday. Now its just go school, go home, go tuition, go home, use comp, sleep. Can someone brighten my fucking life up? Some how? I'm wanna go town on the weekends. Asking Kelvin, if not, I'll ask Julia they all. Need to buy stuff for jh and wanting (if she still wants more).

You're supposed to know how to make a girl smile.

Those forgotten letters.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Hi emilia, always wanted to be you cause you always know what to do for everything. Some how.

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Hi, less than three. You were running through my mind like a mad dog. So don't ask me if I miss you. Its obvious.

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Hi Sean Ignatius Tan Jun Rong bestfriend. You broke my heart the hardest. Took me like forever to let go. Thanks for being one of the greatest memories I've ever had. I still enjoy talking with you. And you somehow cheer me up. Hang out in church some time yeah. Or at 666 there.

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Oh some bitch. Wanting uh. Hi. Thought you some goody two shoes. Turn out to be some fucked up guailan shit head. Hahaha. Thank me for buying lemons for you. Lolol. Don't squeeze me like a lemon if you see this. Haven't seen you since forever. Who ask you skip tuitionnnn!?! -'- Bitch. ♥

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Second chance? Hey, idk who.

going for phys tuition. gna really concentrate!

I love you to the power of infinity. Less than three.

Follow me at twitter.

BLACK EYE RINGS + EYE BAGS = NO GOOD.

My blog is so bloody pictureless.

Undone letters. I'll get them done soon!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Isaac randomly copy pasted me the link to this photo. And I'm like? What the hell is this? I really didn't understand it until he explained that the people are carrying a coffin and the car is for the coffin. Lololol.

Jocelyn Loh, best cousin.

Yes cousin, I wasn't expecting that at all. ♥

now I feel guilty for not posting for you that day. Aww.

Proves that I've ran out of pictures to post.

The pictures from the previous post are more than 5 months old alr. I didn't post them before though. Hehh. I'm home early today, again. Fuckxzxs. Life is boring ttm. I don't know why, suddenly got no remedials.

Racial Harmony day performance. Phys. Recess. Chem. Maths. English.

Slept like throughout Chem. Met Hareesh during recess to pass him something to pass to ted. He met me with aqilah. Omg shy, she said hi to me. And I didn't know what to say. Zzzzzzz. Aw well.

Stoppppp callinggg meee siaaooooooo. Stupid shenjingbing teddybear waixingren renguangxi. ♥

Those days where I still went to church.

In these super overdued photos :

Sean, Joel, Mel, Emily, Jason.